


Unrequited

by SoulOfAFangirl684



Category: Free!
Genre: Acceptance, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Covers seasons one and two, Friendship, Growing Up, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 13:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13928457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulOfAFangirl684/pseuds/SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: He looks at you then, with those eyes that know so much yet see so little. And in that moment, you kind of hate him. Because you've done your job. You've been the best friend he could have asked for. But you can't make him love you.





	Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

> So I have a confession to make. I love the second person narration style. But I’ve never really written in it because one of my high school English teachers—and a teacher I really liked too—once dedicated a good ten minutes of her lecture to tearing it down. How it’s a cheap way to try and get readers engaged in your story—that it’s still technically a form of third person, most writers just use it incorrectly. …And maybe all of that is true. But I’ve decided I no longer care. It’s always felt a little poetic to me, and I love it. So here we are.

You’ve loved Haruka Nanase for as long as you can remember. You know this as you know so many other plain facts of life. At times this has been something shameful to be hidden at all costs. But more often, this has become something that just _is_. A part of your daily existence.

  
From day one, there were people questioning your friendship. Haru was never exactly outgoing. Your peers were often scared off by his quiet, serious nature. His frown was unreadable, more effective than an actual, physical wall. But his eyes… Those deep blue eyes expressed more than enough emotion to make up for the words he used so sparingly. They were the crack in his wall, the bridge over his moat. The one part of Haru that remained open even when he _wanted_ to appear unapproachable.

  
You’ve always loved his eyes. You learned to read your best friend very early on. You are able to interpret the various ways those eyes shine, sparkle, or darken better than anyone else in Haru’s life. Sometimes you revel in the special status this gives you. Most of the time, though, you are content just to enjoy the simpler pleasure of having an excuse to stare into his eyes.

  
Yes, being Haru’s best friend has always felt a bit like a privilege. Because he may not be overly friendly or charismatic, but there is something special about him. No one can deny that, even if the rest of Haru is a mystery to them. And _you_ are the one he chooses to spend his time with. He values your company above all else, and he doesn’t seem to mind when you can break through that wall so easily and read him like a book. It almost gives you the sense that he _allows_ you to read him like a book. That he trusts you with all of his secrets and doesn’t mind that you’re aware of such.

  
Perhaps he even knows he makes you feel special. Because there is not much you have kept from Haru in return. Just one thing, really. And it’s because you read those eyes so well that you are confident in your assessment. You know exactly how Haru feels about you. And it’s not the way you feel about him. And that is the one thing.  
…………

Unrequited. You are six the first time you hear the word. Your mother, a part-time romance novel enthusiast, is on the phone with a friend, gushing about her most recent bookstore purchase. You don’t know what the word means, but you do think it sounds rather pretty. Elegant even. And you stash it away for later use.  
…………

It is just starting to occur to you that the way you think about Haru may be different from the way other little boys think about _their_ best friends… when Rin Matsuoka comes into the picture. Rin is open and charismatic and outgoing and everything Haru is not. But he does something no open, charismatic, outgoing person ever has, and it scares you. He fixates on Haru.

  
You can’t explain this fear at first. Rin is equally friendly towards you, and you do what you can to reciprocate that sentiment. On behalf of the both of you because Haru certainly can’t be bothered. Because that is just what you do, and Haru hasn’t changed. And perhaps that is what scares you. A part of your subconscious recognizing that something isn’t adding up before you are consciously aware. Rin is not the first to try to break through Haru’s defenses, but it never takes long for Haru to brush them off or for the newcomer to lose patience. Nothing about Haru has changed… And yet Rin isn’t going anywhere.

  
You reason that it’s the swimming that makes the difference. You have long since grown used to your best friend’s infatuation with the water. You don’t totally understand it—not the way you understand so many other things about Haru—but that’s okay. You have caught a glimpse of that love, of swimming’s liberating qualities, but you know it doesn’t hold a candle to Haru’s quiet passion. Take Haru out of the picture and your own love dwindles, until you’re not really sure why you’re in the water at all.

  
Perhaps that is the real difference. You can’t read your new friend quite as well as you read Haru, but Rin is about as open as they come, and if anyone could truly understand the way Haru feels about being in the water, you’re willing to bet it’s Rin. Rin’s passion for swimming is very… loud, to say the least, and for the first time, you start to worry about getting left behind. That maybe Haru won’t be waiting for you at the finish line.

  
Rin’s only downfall is his competitiveness, which is equally loud, and which Haru doesn’t have the time or patience for. But Rin will settle for the relay, because apparently, his need to swim _against_ Haru isn’t strong enough to overcome his need to swim _with_ Haru. But you wonder how long that will last, or if it will have to. For the first time, you’re seeing a competitive streak appear in Haru as well. It’s sporadic, and Haru doesn’t seem to fully understand it himself, but this does little to comfort you. Haru has always been very stoic, very set in his ways. This is the first sign that he is capable of change, and you don’t want that.

  
But guilt is quick to follow this realization, and the feeling is especially ugly in these settings. You can’t even pretend to have factored Haru’s best interests into this. You just don’t want Rin to have more of a claim on your best friend than you do. What bittersweet irony it is that Rin isn’t even aware (you don’t think) of the most important competition taking place.  
…………

Nagisa is a breath of fresh air. He is excitable and enthusiastic about absolutely everything. He, too, has taken particular notice of Rin and Haru’s swimming but doesn’t seem the least bit troubled over not being at their level. He just wants to be a part of your relay team, and you’re glad when Rin agrees to let him join.

  
Haru seems to notice that you take an immediate shine to Nagisa and doesn’t voice any opinion on their fourth member one way or another. And Nagisa himself fits right in. He is just the right blend of impressed by his team mates’ abilities and dedicated to improving his own. He doesn’t question Rin’s leadership, never tries to take advantage of your kindness, and most important, he never seems the least bit put off by Haru’s reserved air.

  
He’s a perfect fit. And he somehow manages to effortlessly, obliviously soften out the silent tug-of-war going on over Haru. With four of you, it just seems _right_. Like you can be one big group of friends without any underlying tension. Indeed, you start to think that maybe you just haven’t had the time to really understand Rin yet.

  
But it isn’t to be. Rin blindsides you all with the news of his departure, and you know immediately that this isn’t what you wanted. All the guilt you’ve felt over ever wishing it could go back to being just you and Haru come rushing back full-force, all at once. You didn’t want Rin out of the picture completely. Really, you didn’t. And the look on Haru’s face is the hardest thing of all. Because plenty of people have come in and out of your lives, but never anyone like Rin. Your own secrets aside, you can see how this might feel a little unfair. How could anyone work so hard to get close to someone only to pull back and disappear completely once they’ve succeeded? Haru is not used to being the one left behind.  
…………

Nagisa ends up going to a different school for junior high and was a year behind anyway. So pretty soon, you’ve gotten your wish. You and Haru are alone once more. This isn’t accompanied by even a semblance of satisfaction. Because it’s not even worth pretending things have gone back to the way they were. The two of you never really talk about it, but you can’t shake the feeling that when Rin left for Australia, he took a piece of Haru with him.

  
The discomfort this idea instills in you morphs back into full-blown fear when tragedy strikes. The New Year’s break has just passed when Haru tells you he has quit swimming altogether. Your best friend has never been particularly emotional, but his voice sounds especially dead when he makes this announcement. The entire time, there is only a brief flicker of something deeper from Haru. Concern. And this is when you realize his decision has brought tears to _your_ eyes. You quickly wipe them away and tell him you understand. That if this is what he really wants, the two of you will find something else to do after school each day. Whatever he wants.

  
But you don’t understand. Not really. And you both know it. But Haru doesn’t offer up any further explanation, and you don’t ask. The more time passes, the more convinced you become that this wasn’t brought on simply by Rin’s absence. That something must have _happened_. But then, perhaps that’s just another secret wish on your part.  
…………

By the time you reach high school, you’ve both settled into this new routine that doesn’t involve swimming. No one questions your friendship anymore. In the eyes of your peers, you and Haru are a single unit. And you have long since come to understand the way you feel about Haru.

  
Unrequited. The word doesn’t sound quite so pretty anymore. Bittersweet is the description you would use now. Unrequited… Unrequited is the moment Haru asks you a question and you can’t answer him because your brain has completely shut down except to whisper in your ear, _kiss him_. Unrequited is trying not to blush and hastily clearly your throat when he asks what’s wrong. Unrequited is quietly berating yourself for seeing his face every time you close your eyes. And all the shame that goes along with it. But unrequited is also the simple joy you feel just from getting to walk beside him each day. And you can’t be too upset about it for long.  
…………

Just like last time, everything changes the second Nagisa steps back into the picture. But this time, he brings Rin with him. In hindsight, it does wonders for your self-respect that you can honestly say the jealousy does not return immediately. At first you have more pressing worries, because something is obviously very wrong with your old friend. Gone is the open, charismatic little boy that no one could keep down for long. The new Rin is bitter and jaded, and if the change is making your heart hurt, you can’t imagine what Haru must be feeling.

  
You kind of hate to say it, but for the first year, this makes it a lot easier. The two of you are finally on the same page about Rin. You’re going to do whatever you can to help him. And getting Haru back into the water in the process… Well, that’s just an added bonus.

  
Rei is an… interesting addition to your team. Maybe not an instantly perfect fit like Nagisa, but it doesn’t take long for you to become genuinely fond of him. And it doesn’t hurt that Nagisa is clearly, immediately smitten. You can only hope you’re a little subtler when you look at Haru. But then, Nagisa never did do subtle. And Rei… Well, Rei doesn’t really seem to mind.  
…………

Once your team is established and Rin has come back to his senses, things become… complicated again. You wouldn’t change a thing, of course! Maybe you have your selfish moments, but your friends’ happiness is really important to you, and you do consider Rin a friend.

  
And it’s not all drama and angst. The year leading up to the next swim season is… nice. Rin is perfectly friendly, if a little rough around the edges still. But that’s okay too. People are shaped by their experiences, after all. Friends are the ones who stick around no matter what shape you end up.

  
Rin is happy. Nagisa is happy. Haru is happy, which has this way of making you happy, regardless of the circumstances. (And sometimes against your better judgment…) The only one you’re a little worried about is Rei. It’s not that Rei and Rin seem to be on bad terms exactly. You don’t see any serious warning signs; they just need some time to get used to each other.

  
But you don’t forget Rei’s insecurities about being a replacement. And you don’t want it to go unnoticed should these insecurities start to flare up again. You are the team captain, after all. It’s kind of your job now to look after your friends. But you don’t mind. This isn’t exactly anything new.

  
So the next time the five of you are out by the pool together, you find yourself watching Rei while he stares particularly intensely at Rin. Rin and Haru stand at the water’s edge, bickering. Rin wants to race. Haru isn’t in the mood. Nagisa is trying to get their attention from the other side of the pool and is being expertly ignored. When Rei notices you hanging back to stand with him, he quickly clears his throat and averts his eyes.

  
“Is everything all right?” you ask quietly when he doesn’t respond to your patient smile.

  
You can see his internal debate over whether to open up to you or not. And you have taken care of Ren and Ran long enough to be able to see the crack in that wall a mile away. So familiar is this dance, that you’re expecting it when his final defense is a deflection.

  
“I’ve noticed you watching me lately, Makoto-senpai.”

  
You smile invitingly in return. “I want to make sure you feel like part of the team.”

  
“I have not been having second thoughts,” he answers distantly, but this time your silence is the only further prodding needed. He sighs. Checkmate. “I have not meant to worry you… I’m… trying to understand their relationship.”

  
You both turn to look at Haru and Rin, who are still arguing. Rin’s side is getting louder, Haru’s shorter. The scene is so familiar that you have to laugh a little. Rei shoots you a look, seeming a little distressed, so you explain, “They’ve always been like that. It’s just how Haru and Rin communicate. They’ve got a dynamic all their own.”

  
Rei turns his intense gaze on you when you trail off, and you realize that you’ve slipped up for the first time in quite a while—certainly since you’ve known Rei. Your tone is just a little too sad. Left out. Hinting at jealousy. You clear your throat to backtrack, but Rei beats you to it.

  
“It’s not that, exactly. If anyone can understand, I’m sure you can. I know you care very deeply about Haruka-senpai. I consider him a friend,” Rei continues earnestly. “And I would like to consider Rin-san a friend. But I have seen the effect he has on Haruka-senpai. I just… worry that he will get hurt again.”

  
“I know what you mean,” you say very quietly. Because what’s the point in denying it? “But we’re their friends. Both of them. It’s up to us to be their support system if they ever start to lose their way again.”

  
Rei smiles a little sadly. “I know it’s simply a matter of loyalty and time. I was a late addition. I don’t have any regrets, of course! You’ve all gone out of your way to make me feel welcome, and I appreciate that. It is just hard fact, however, that Rin-san was not a part of the team I joined. I suppose it’s only natural that I put all of your wellbeing first. Because I know Rin-san did hurt _all_ of you.”

  
“Rei…” You are touched at this loyalty. But you also know you have to set things right. “I appreciate that. But Rin _is_ a part of this team too. I don’t want you to hold onto any ill will towards him.”

  
The sad smile was back. “I know. That is not my intention. But perhaps it is unavoidable. Perhaps I will always be the replacement, in a way. And that’s okay! Perhaps it just means that my role in this team is a little different. Perhaps… it’s my job to remember that _someone_ ought to hold him accountable, even when the rest of you are being a bunch of sentimental fools.”

  
He laughs a little, and you are speechless. You know Rei is capable of being direct, but you can’t remember him ever dropping his polite air before. And now your jealousy has shifted. You can only wish you had the freedom to be so biasedly loyal.

  
“Well, what about you then?” a disgruntled Rin calls out to Rei then, and the moment between you is over. Rei is flustered by the challenge, and you laugh again. Haru has won this argument, as you knew he would. You look at him, and he shakes his head once, rolls those beautiful eyes, and dives in.

  
Your lives go on as usual, but you find yourself recalling this exchange more and more as Rei finally does warm up to Rin. You wonder if his protectiveness has faded, or rather, extended to Rin? But mostly, you wonder about how deeply he analyzes the relationships in this team and how much he’s really grasped about you and Haru.  
…………

Nagisa isn’t nearly as subtle, but what else is new? He shows up at your house one night out of the blue and asks you to walk along the beach with him. Bewildered, you comply, but he is oddly quiet when you get there.

  
Finally, you ask, “You’re not running away again, are you?”

  
He whirls around from where he’s darted ahead and his pout is reassuring. He is mock-offended. “No! I’ve been studying with Rei-chan every day! By regionals, my grades will be fine.”

  
You laugh good-naturedly. “I’m glad.”

  
Nagisa turns his gaze to the incoming waves and there’s another quiet moment. Until, “Hey, Mako-chan… you’re okay, right?”

  
Your eyes widen. “Yeah, of course.”

  
Nagisa turns back to you, and his eyes have lost all traces of fun. He looks worried, a little sad, and all too reminiscent of Rei that day. With one big difference. Nagisa has known you for a lot longer than Rei. Your breath catches in your throat, and suddenly, you’re sure Nagisa has seen right through you. Hell, maybe he’s always known.

  
The truth is… you’ve felt kind of adrift since the season started. It’s not just the uncertainty of not being able to recruit new members and struggling to figure out your future. You’re starting to feel like you’re falling out of touch with Haru, and it’s tilting your entire world on its side. He always became a little harder to read wherever Rin was involved—his own personal eclipse—but it’s more than that now. There are so many extra players these days. Sousuke Yamazaki in particular you just can’t seem to get a handle on. And the familiar jealousy is more persistent than ever, always just under the surface.

  
You try to put all this into words for Nagisa, who just smiles. Sympathetic and knowing. “You said that at the prefecturals last week too.”

  
You smile sadly and look down. “Yeah… Rin has always had this effect on Haru… Sometimes when they’re together, it’s like they’re on this separate planet that I can’t get to. And it does make me jealous. I wish it didn’t.”

  
Nagisa slowly shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad. It’s just that you love Haru-chan.”

  
It sounds so simple coming out of Nagisa’s mouth. There’s none of the angst or shame or pain that goes along with that love being unrequited. But you can tell that he knows it’s there. Your eyes feel warm, but you hold his gaze, determined for once to be honest.

  
“When did you know?”

  
He shrugs. “I didn’t think about it too much back then, but I think I always knew there was something there. I saw the way you would look at Haru-chan when he was with Rin-chan.”

  
You just nod slowly. You’ve always suspected that you have been a little obvious. To everyone but Haru, it would seem. Your voice cracks a little as you say, “I don’t want to be that person. I _am_ glad Haru has a friend like Rin.”

  
You stop because the words just aren’t coming out right, but Nagisa’s look of understanding hasn’t wavered. “You know what I think? It’s not that one friendship is better than the other. I think you just give him different things. You were Prince Charming, constant and safe. But Rin-chan was Aladdin. Flawed… but exciting. They have chemistry.”

  
You finally break his gaze and look out at the ocean, taking deep breaths. You’re aware of Nagisa coming closer, and then he says quietly, “But Mako-chan, that’s all they have. A relationship needs more than chemistry. And if you want my opinion, I don’t think Rin-chan really understands Haru-chan. Not where it counts.”

  
You can’t speak around the lump in your throat, so you and Nagisa stare at the waves in silence. You can only hope he knows how grateful you are.  
…………

It only gets worse. You are soon painfully aware that you are not the only one adrift. Haru is struggling, and it just about kills you that Rin is apparently blind to this. Rin is brave enough to confront him at least, you’ll give him that, even if it’s only to say all the wrong things. You know Haru is facing pressure from all sides, so you try to be as unobtrusive as possible.

  
Even so, you worry about him. And your own future needs deciding in the meantime. And you can’t deny that something has been building up inside of you since regionals. Something ugly. And maybe that’s why you don’t fight it when you start to see less and less of your best friend. You’re afraid of that ugliness showing its face at the wrong time.

  
You are the nice friend. The responsible one. You are the one who makes sure everyone is happy and looked after. You are the one who’s always okay. Because someone needs to be. You are the strong one.  
You are kidding yourself.

  
You are invisible, the price you have paid for being nice. And masked by that invisibility, you are sad and hurting and so, so angry. And you are scared. Because that anger has to go somewhere.  
And it does.

  
You may be the strong one, but it’s always been Haru’s job to be brave. You’ve always looked after him, but he’s always protected you. Shadows and bullies and ghosts. Those were Haru’s domain. With just that one exception, you always would have said that Haru knew you better than anyone. Maybe that’s true still. Haruka Nanase has always had a rather spectacular ability to see through everyone’s bullshit. Everyone’s but yours, you think now. So you finally, finally confront him.

  
He looks at you then, with those eyes that know so much yet see so little. And in that moment, you kind of hate him. Because you’ve done your job. You’ve been the best friend he could have asked for. But you can’t make him love you.

  
Because you’ve trusted him with your heart. And you’re not sure he’s ever even noticed.

  
So you tell him. About how you’re going off to Tokyo. How you’re leaving him too. And you watch as his world implodes. And no one wins. His courage is shattered. And you don’t know if you can even take care of yourself right now. So you let him run off. And you let him wallow. And because you’ve got nothing left to lose, you call Rin. And the love of your life is whisked off to Australia, and all you can do is hope that the boy you are so viciously jealous of is able to fix him now that you cannot.

  
Unrequited. It’s just about the ugliest word you have ever heard. Unrequited is the agony you feel when you look over at the empty desk next to yours. Unrequited is staring up at your ceiling at night for hours on end, unable to cry for fear of waking your parents or siblings in the next rooms. Unrequited is being told he really appreciates all that you’ve done for him… And living with the knowledge that it doesn’t mean what you want it to.

  
You would have sworn the fight with Haru—the first one you’ve ever had—was your breaking point. You _must_ be empty inside by now, surely. But you surprise yourself.

  
You’re holding it together just fine the day Haru leaves, smile in place, if a little sad. You get through your morning classes and then head up to the roof for lunch. You let Rei and Nagisa know that Haru is with Rin. You even admit that it was your idea. But you feel something boiling up beneath your smile then, so you make some hurried excuse that you’ve forgotten something in your locker. And you turn to get off that roof, to get away. But your friends are in front of you suddenly, blocking your way. Now they both have those patient, knowing looks, and that’s when you realize. This friendship was never as lopsided as it seemed. You were never the sole support system. You all take care of each other. And when you break, you get the feeling that maybe they’ve been waiting for this as long as you have.

  
You take a heavy seat up against the fence guarding the edge of the roof. Silently, Rei takes a seat on one side, his shoulder pressed up against yours. On your other side, Nagisa takes your hand. And you finally let all that ugliness wash over you.

  
Because you are so tired. Tired of waiting for that ugliness to take you over completely. Tired of this secret. Tired of being Prince Charming while _he_ gets to be the knight in shining armor. Tired and just plain sick with the knowledge that, despite all this, you are not any less in love.

Your sobs are loud and painful, ripping out from your very core. You are grateful that Nagisa and Rei thought to position themselves on either side of you. Their presence is the only thing keeping you afloat.  
The three of you are up there long after the lunch period ends. Until you are truly empty. You expected the sensation to be just another extension of the pain, but it isn’t. The emptiness no longer feels like something to fear. Being empty simply means that there is room to fill yourself back up again. And this time, you will have a better filter.  
…………

Sousuke comes to visit you the night before Rin and Haru are scheduled to fly back from Australia. You are surprised… yet somehow not surprised. You’ve felt for a while now that there’s another piece still missing in this puzzle. You know the second you see him standing on your doorstep; Sousuke is the missing piece.

  
It is similar to the meeting you had with Nagisa—you direct Sousuke down to the beach because you’re not sure how to explain this not-quite friend to your family—and yet so, so different.

  
Despite knowing _of_ him as Rin’s oldest friend, you really aren’t at all familiar with Sousuke, and you quickly decide that he is the hardest person to read you have ever met.

  
“Rin got a letter from his old host family right before the semester ended,” he begins without preamble. You wait as he takes a moment to decide how best to continue. “At that time, he wasn’t going to make any travel plans before graduation. The break now was too close to nationals, and he had a team to oversee on top of his own training. But then he changed his mind at the last minute… And I hear he took Nanase with him.”

  
This is clearly your cue. Sousuke grits his teeth when you chuckle. You had not known that part—that Rin’s plans were spontaneous. You remember what Nagisa said about Rin being exciting. So he just took off for Australia on a whim… Who _does_ that? But Sousuke is still waiting for an answer, so you say mildly, “You heard right.”

  
Sousuke seems to become even more disgruntled by your reaction. “When the season started, I warned Nanase not to get in Rin’s way. I don’t know what he thinks he’s playing at, but Rin’s dreams are bigger than this place. And they’re bigger than Nanase.”

  
You smile a little bittersweetly. “But you don’t really believe that, do you, Sousuke-kun? You know Haru has been a big influence in shaping Rin’s dream. Maybe even more so than you.”

  
There is no _maybe_ about it, and you both know it. Sousuke turns to face you then, and those jaded teal eyes have hardened. “We’ve all got our parts to play, Tachibana. I’m Rin’s best friend, and you’re Nanase’s. You can follow around after yours all you want. I protect mine. Nanase needs to open his fucking eyes. He calls himself a friend, but he doesn’t appreciate what his actions do to Rin.”

  
“You’re right. I’ve always been Haru-chan’s constant. So I guess I’ll just play my part… waiting on the sidelines to pick up the pieces— _again_ —the next time Rin breaks his heart.” It’s immediate and petty and soon you’re sure to feel guilty for lashing out. But for now, it’s satisfying and, on par with the new resolutions that you’ve made, you allow yourself this much.

  
But the look on Sousuke’s face grounds you a little. Clearly, even so much as a whisper of a sharp edge is more than he’d expected from you. And just a week ago, he probably would have found exactly what he thought he would. But you are aware that you are changing. And you’d like to think you are getting stronger.

  
But you are still you. And you know this newfound edge of yours isn’t meant for Sousuke. Not really. You can appreciate his intentions in coming here. And you recognize it as another opportunity for growth.  
So as he appraises this unanticipated side of you, you reflect on what exactly it was about his words that brought out that edge. And you find this answer almost immediately. It was the underlying insinuation that Rin is the victim in all this.

  
And you remember something then. Something that’s been lost since you felt the first bitter pangs of true jealousy in childhood. You remind yourself that Rin did not hurt you on purpose. Rin did not hurt Haru on purpose. He may not be the victim, but he isn’t the villain either. It is true that Haru and Rin share the same first love. But that love was never each other. And suddenly, you’ve found the missing piece. The only one as frustratingly _oblivious_ as Haru is Rin.

  
And suddenly, Sousuke doesn’t seem so hard to read after all.

  
You smile at him again and try to convey that there’s nothing passive-aggressive about it this time. After all, life lessons are meant to be shared.

  
“Rin understands that sometimes you need to be truly broken down before you can build yourself back up. You’re not wrong. Haru and Rin have an effect on each other that you and I may never be able to fully understand. But, whether we like it or not, that connection is there. And it’s not really possible to support one but not the other. Haru-chan is struggling right now. I’m not going to pretend it was the easiest decision… But if Rin can help Haru where I can’t… Well, I can’t consider myself much of a best friend if I can’t put my own insecurities aside to do what’s best for Haru.”

  
Sousuke is quiet for so long, you start to wonder if you’ve miscalculated and overstepped your boundaries. But finally, he replies, “When we were younger… I pushed Rin away. I couldn’t deal. When I met up with him again all these years later, I thought for some reason it would be easier. It wasn’t. I underestimated you, Tachibana. How do you stand it?”

  
Suddenly, you want to tell him everything. Explain just how recently it is that you’ve stopped having so much trouble just keeping your head above water. But now doesn’t feel like quite the right time. And you get the feeling that there _will_ be time later. So for now, you just tell him what he wants to know.

  
“I think… I’m finally learning not to expect more than he can give.”  
…………

Haru comes back from Australia, and everything has changed. But that’s okay. It doesn’t feel like you’ve lost any of the important parts, and you’re still his constant.

  
And this time, you’re going to do things right. You are the nice friend. And you like your role. And you know now that you can’t properly take care of anyone else without taking care of yourself. You vow to never again bottle up your uglier feelings until they explode. There is no shame in admitting those feelings dwell inside of you. They are what make you human.

  
Haru seems to have found his future. And you plan to do everything within your power to support him. The same way he supports you. You will be more honest with him from now on. One day, you might even tell him.  
…………

Haruka Nanase does not love you. Not the way you would sometimes like him to. Not the way you love him. But that is okay. Because if love was something so fragile as to crumble merely from the blow of being unrequited, you would not be the person you are today.

  
Unrequited. Unrequited is the dull ache in your chest whenever he does not notice the way you look at him or what those looks mean. Unrequited is the burst of fondness you feel at even his most irritating habits. Unrequited is a word you use to describe your relationship with Haru. But it is just one word. One word among so, so many.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing characters like Makoto—characters who are too nice for their own good finding their selfish side and coming to terms with it—is undoubtedly one of my favorite things. Originally, this was just supposed to be about Haru and Makoto and Rin. When this story was started, the bits with Sousuke, Nagisa, and Rei did not exist. …But then I kept writing, and the characters just demanded that their presence be known. And hey, who am I to deny them their rightful place in this equation? I realize the Disney movie comparison Nagisa makes is probably not exactly spot-on, culturally… But I’d like to think it’s still a valid comparison. He has three older sisters. That boy has seen his fair share of princess movies, trust me. All right. I have taken up enough of your time. Thank you so much if you’ve made it this far!


End file.
